MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD

  1. I was born underweight and have been underweight my entire life
    I am also quite short and both my parents grew up skinny; I'd say my weight is 65% genetic.
  2. I dislike eating
    I would literally rather do anything else. I even love cooking, but I kinda have no interest in eating anymore than a few bites of the food I make.
  3. My method of self harm is not eating
    I haven't done this in a few years, but when my depression was bad, I wouldn't eat. Couple that with semi regular anxiety and some days, I would completely lose all motivation to eat.
  4. I would love to gain some weight but it's hard because I have a very small appetite and a very fast metabolism
  5. When I'm at my lowest, I hate how I can see my ribs, the way my shoulders and hip bones look and feel
  6. At my highest, I love how my face rounds out and how my arms get bigger
  7. I guess I fucked up last month and I realised a couple days ago that I've lost a ton of weight
    A mixture of midterms, coming back from the holidays and being too lazy to cook for myself, and just not eating well.
  8. I hate the way I look and feel right now
  9. But my midterms are over and I really have no excuse to not be able to gain weight from now till summer
  10. I have an ideal weight in mind and I downloaded an app to help me keep track of how many calories I'm eating and I feel really optimistic
  11. I wanted to list about this lil journey at the start and maybe post updates every now and then because this is the first time I've ever tried to gain control over my weight and I really feel like I can do this
  12. I guess this list is mostly just for me to get my thoughts straight but if you got to the end, thanks for reading ☺️