For Me, Depression Is...

(An incomplete and ever-expanding bummer of a list)
  1. Cancelling plans at the last minute.
    "Sure I'd love to go!" *20 minutes before scheduled meeting* "...Oh god I don't want to do this" *sends the obligatory "sorry I fell sick" text*
  2. Not responding to texts.
    Yeah, that's my bad.
  3. Taking out the trash or putting away clothes becomes literally the hardest task in the world.
    Hours will slip by as I sit on the couch thinking about how much I need to do.
  4. Not wearing underwear for three weeks because I can't bring myself to do laundry.
    If only you knew...
  5. Waking up every morning filled with dread.
    It's the most unpleasant way to start the day, and I can't make it stop.
  6. Having a physical reaction when I see an ex on the street.
    Breathing becomes hard, my head gets fuzzy, I get nauseous and lose my appetite. Rationally, I know I'm over them. For some reason my body hasn't caught on though. It'll ruin me for at least a day.
  7. An inability to concentrate, ever.
    I lose track of what you're saying mid-conversation. Don't even get me started on lectures and classes.
  8. Perpetual guilt over everything.
    That assignment I submitted late? Blowing you off that time we were supposed to hang out? The way I ended that last relationship? Not being honest about my feelings? Hiding things from people? Yeah, it might upset you, but I can pretty much guarantee that it will continue to torture me endlessly for weeks and months.
  9. Unwavering sadness.
    I can't shake it, and it rubs off on the people around me (which contributes to the guilt).
  10. A complete and total inability to meet new people and make friendships.
    Nope. At this point it's literally out of the question. I can barely talk to my friends, let alone strangers.
  11. Avoiding parties at all costs.
    I can't. Too many people, too loud, too much drinking. All I can think about is how miserable and self conscious and feel, and about how much I wish I was home.
  12. Incredible boredom.
    My mind circles the same topics over and over again. I distract myself with the same boring TV shows and social networks. Everything is boring and I can't escape it.
  13. Not going out because I need to go to sleep at 11PM.
    I'm too tired to go out at night, so I stay home and go to bed early. I need a lot of sleep, and I'm not willing to sacrifice sleep for fun.
  14. Self doubt.
    Am I depressed? Am I just doing this to justify my laziness? IS ANY OF THIS EVEN REAL?
  15. Imposter syndrome.
    I feel like such a liar whenever I talk to anybody. If they're new, I feel phony. If they're old friends, I feel like I'm putting on a show. I don't know what's real anymore, but I know that what I'm doing feels fake.