How I Discipline My Teens

When your kids break your rules, don't get mad; get even.
  1. Force them to make a public Facebook post explaining how they fucked up.
    Make that bitch tag you, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  2. When out in public, fan the air when people are nearby and blame your kid for farting.
    Make sure there's more than 3 other people, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  3. Make a snap of you waking them up by throwing water on their face.
    Add it to your story, and send it to all your friends, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  4. Make them read 50 Shade of Grey...aloud.
    In a library, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  5. Post an unflattering or embarrassing picture of your kid on Instagram.
    Tag them, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  6. When you drop them off at a friend's house, walk them to the door, and ask to talk with their parents.
    Don't let them run inside while you exchange telephone numbers, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  7. FaceTime your kid while they're out with their friend, and before hanging up, make kissy noises, and say "Momma Bear loves you, honey bunny!!" while flicking them off.
    Make sure they are sitting near their friends, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  8. Do errands around lunchtime, then don't let them order them anything to eat.
    If they start to order, interrupt and say they'll have water, so everyone knows you're a savage.
  9. Follow all of the people they talk about on Twitter then tweet quotes of your kid talking shit about them.
    Tag both of them, and put #subtweet #shotfired, so everyone knows you're a savage.