SYMPTOMS OF CELLPHONE ADDICTION

The cure: apoptosis, cellular destruction
  1. You hear your phone's ringtones, its cries for attention, even when they don't actually occur
  2. You keep scrolling through the same shit, on the same apps, over and over
  3. You sporadically feel the topography outside your jean pocket to make sure your beloved is still tucked in there. If it needs space from your wallet and keys, or any other hoodlums, you grant it its own personal pocket palace.
  4. You make your kid has juice all the time and that they get all the newest fashionable accessories
  5. You get a little anxious on the inside whenever your baby is in someone else's hands
  6. It's the first thing on your mind in the mornings
  7. It's the last thing on your mind at night
  8. You make lists calling your phone your kid, your baby, your beloved