My mantra: Not Today, Bitch.
  1. "Do not raise your voice to me."
    To a superior who was yelling at me.
  2. "Stop yelling at me."
    Same superior. Then I hung up on her.
  3. "Not today, bitch."
    In describing that situation.
  4. "Maybe not as young as your current girlfriend, but still younger than you, Old Man."
    To my ex-boyfriend, who was giving me sass about how he's not that much older than I am.
  5. "No, I did do exactly that, you are wrong, please look here."
    To a notoriously bitchy superior who was being a real twat.
  6. "I know what a fever is and she had one, thank you very much. You're telling me you still did nothing about it?"
    Same twatty superior.
  7. "Not today, bitch."
    Again, in describing the above situation. Three out of four eyewitnesses to it independently congratulated me on "finally giving to her as good as she puts it out." I thought one of them was going to start clapping.
  8. "Fuck her" and "fuck her sister."
    To my mom about a couple of her frenemies who were making her feel anxious about her broken foot. I said these multiple times.
  9. "I'm the captain now."
    To my boss last night. I was mostly kidding.
  10. Bonus: these are the socks I'm wearing tonight.
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  11. OH MAH GOD @sam AND @ohlauren, LOOK AT WHAT @donnie GOT ME
    D33f5a44 4e71 4294 967e 1703507bbc5a