BRATTITUDE (OR: I AM SOMETIMES AN INSUFFERABLE ASSHAT)

There are certain situations that reliably turn me into an overly sassy, know-it-all monster. Even when I recognize this happening, I can not stop it. Like Usher, these are my confessions.
  1. Being aware of/involved in something before everyone else and then it gets popular.
    I feel an insuppressible need to tell people ad nauseum that I have liked that thing for sooooo long and I definitely knew about it first. See: StitchFix, Lou Bega's Mambo #5, likely this app in the near future.
  2. Big group activities not planned by an organization or professional.
    I will bad mouth that planning until the minute I am forced to admit I am not miserable. This partially stems from a fear of being trapped somewhere with not enough bathrooms or food (which has pretty much never happened #jewish). Also not trusting that anyone is competent at organizing events. Also being a turd. See: work retreats, meals out with more than 4 people, trips to amusement parks.
  3. Sweeping a category in Jeopardy!
    I just really think you should all clap for me. See categories: The Human Body, Things That Start With __, Pop Culture Potpourri.
  4. Watching a medical TV show.
    I insist on watching almost all of them, and if I manage to stifle 1/4 of the criticisms of their practice of medicine, I consider it a success. See: Grey's Anatomy, House, Mob Doctor (no but actually that one was hilarious and wonderful)
  5. When someone is espousing information that I know to be factually incorrect.
    BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE WRONG. I try to remind myself that it is usually of no import or greater impact, and that I sound like a hall monitor. This rarely works, but I am getting better. See: any sentence I've started with "actually" like a jackhole, health food crazes that quote whack journals, rumors.