Requested by @shanaz
Oh I can't be contained. Ranking it all (that is, anything I have a strong feeling about). Mostly music/videos at the top because that's what she DO! @shanaz You have unleashed a monster and I'm so grateful.
  1. Driving with her Sean on her lap because she's "country"
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  2. Dating paparazzo Adnan Ghalib and living with Sam Lufti
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    This does not get talked about enough. They were STRAIGHT UP drugging Britney. Like, crumbling up pills and putting them in her food. I lump a lot of things into this bullet point that make me sad for our dear BritBrit (when she barricaded herself into a bathroom with her kids, her 5150, some not great songs), and I have an undying hatred for them. This is the reason that I think, without having listened to literally any of Serial (I know, I know), that Adnan is guilty.
  3. Piece of Me
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    Overrated song with no real musicality. And the video is weird. I know this is an unpopular opinion. Fight me.
  4. Jason Allen Alexander
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    She was young and dumb but yikes B. Lucky to get it annulled. 😬
  5. Heart-to-Heart and A Mother's Gift with momma Lynne Spears
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    Not necessary.
  6. Britney & Kevin: Chaotic
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    This was just a bad publicity move.
  7. Hold It Against Me
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    Britney, you are better than this song and you are WAY better than this video.
  8. The X Factor
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    I just kind of didn't care? Gave us some great reaction gifs though.
  9. Gimme More
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    Mixed feelings here -- like the song, don't like the video, cringe at the memory we all associate with it.
  10. That Rolling Stone cover
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    I know it was tres scandalous at the time, but is fairly boring in retrospect.
  11. Sometimes
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    HAHAHAHAHAH this video.
  12. Marrying Kevin Federline
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    Would be ranked worse (this was the period of barefoot bathroom Britney, of course) but they served chicken fingers and wore juicy couture outfits at their pre-wedding and took trashy pics and that just strikes me as Britney living her truth. Plus, without K Fed, there would be no Sean Preston or Jayden James.
  13. Womanizer
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    Eh, it's catchy but not great, and the video is a poor man's Toxic.
  14. Fragrances
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    Not my jam, but they're a money printing machine. Don't know enough about any of them to rank them but based on names alone, they're pretty awful-great (Circus Fantasy, Curious Heart, Fantasy Twist, Fantasy: the naughty remix, Fantasy: the nice remix...).
  15. Scream & Shout
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    She does almost nothing on this song and it's marvelous. A+ featured spot, B.
  16. Kissing Madonna
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    Say what you will about the fetishization of lesbianism, or how it was all a stunt, I don't care. It was all people were talking about.
  17. Do Somethin'
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    Ok, so this song wasn't that popular in the States, but I loved it in college. Had no idea how scandalous this video was though -- apparently Louis Vuitton sued Britney for using knock-off upholstery in her jeep! Quel horror!
  18. Crossroads
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    Dreams change. Friends are forever.
  19. Circus
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    UNDERRATED in every way.
  20. Everytime
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    Don't die Britneeeeeyyy 😭😭😭😭😭
  21. ...Baby One More Time
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  22. Britney/Brittany episode of Glee
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    Outstanding cameo, back when Brittany was also one of the best characters on TV.
  23. I Wanna Go
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    10/10 would dance to again.
  24. Twisting her ankle and almost dropping her son
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  25. Overprotected
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    Classic young Britney.
  26. Fedoraney
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    Aka all the time Britney. I channel her whenever I wear a fedora (which is rarely) and have never been hit on more than when in that hat. Ps I just made this collage I'm a functioning adult.
  27. Oops!..I Did It Again
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    That red PVC outfit. That dance. That topical reference to Titanic. 💯
  28. Justin Timberlake
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    Never did a more perfect pop couple exist. Ranking dropped because I am still mad at Justin for his totally petty, vindictive video for Cry Me A River. I know you feel me, @glossanddirt. ALL SHE EVER DID WAS LOVE YOU JUSTIN SO WHAT IF SHE HAD A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS WITH WADE ROBSON WHO AMONG US HASNT. (She may have made it rain, please forgive her. Her Weakness caused you pain, and this songs her sooorrryyyyyy)
  29. Me Against the Music
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    I think people forget how huge it was to have Britney and Madonna on the same track. This video is also ridiculous, and you have to respect the shit out of that get-up B has on and all the cane usage.
  30. The head shaving umbrella incident
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    Controversial to put this so high on my list, I KNOW. But as @angusisley wrote about (A Few Moments of Furious Honesty) this moment was both justified (it's a flipping miracle that more paparazzi vehicles are not assaulted with umbrellas. They killed Princess Di!) and defiant. And Britney shaved her head because her extensions were giving her an awful headache, an explanation I have always 100% been behind. Comfort before beauty.
  31. Stronger
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    One of the essential break-up Strongers (shoutout to you, K Clarkson). Plus that chair dance?!? WERK.
  32. Toxic
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    Iconic, and probably her coolest video.
  33. Jason Trawick
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    So stable. Didn't last, but I approved while it did.
  34. Vegas
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    She's just bathing in money at this point, and she made @sam and my New Years 2015 the most magical, perfect NYE celebration of all time GET ON OUR LEVEL.
  35. Work Bitch
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    This is the most perfectly crafted group fitness class song that ever existed. TRY to tell me your spin teacher hasn't made you "hold your hands high! Fingers to the sky!" while you work, bitch for your "hot body."
  36. Pepsi
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    This is the pinnacle of what people love about Britney: youth, fitness, America, commercial. 👌🏽
  37. I'm A Slave 4 U -- including song, video, and of course, snake dance
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    Hawtest of the hawt Britney. Halcyon of Britney. Britney for president. Britney for Queen.
  38. THIS magazine shoot
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    Absolutely can not referenced enough times when talking about how heyday Britney was unstoppable.
  39. Til the World Ends
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    This song is so 🔥, and does NOT get enough press. And HOLY HELL the REMIX with Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj? Hold up. Making another bullet point.
  40. Til the World Ends REEEEEMIIIXX with Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj
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    If you haven't listened to this, you. are. welcome.
  41. Sean Preston and Jayden James
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    They're kinda plus/minus to me, but I know Britney would want them to be tops (or at least the manufactured image of Britney in my head, whose Instagram feed was called "a normal Midwestern mom's" by E! this week).
  42. Papa Spears Era
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    Wait NO! Family is most important, but the boys take a backseat to this honorable man's reign. H/t @magdalenam for reminding me about the man without whom, none of this would be possible. He keeps shit in line, he ejects cheating fiances, and he does it so well I FORGOT HE WAS THERE. Which is the point. The man's a magician.