DEEP-SEATED DEBILITATING AND COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEARS

RELEASING MY DEMONS ONTO YALL
  1. Home invasions
    I have absolutely no basis in personal history for this, but it is the subject of 75% of all my nightmares. Once I even woke up screaming, "HOME INVASION! HOME INVASION!"
  2. Anaphylaxis
    I have no allergies that justify this.
  3. That I am the smelly person and not being able to tell
    You know, THE smelly person. And maybe this isn't irrational because I AM the smelly person, because I'd never know, would I? Omg I'm the smelly person.
  4. A large roach-like bug crawling on me, specifically into my mouth, while sleeping
    Typing this made me squirm and now I wanna die just thinking about it.
  5. Getting a deep vein thrombosis in my leg.
    More pronounced when I've gained a few pounds, which is my only risk factor.
  6. Parking tickets for parking too far away from the curb.
    I have spent insane (compulsive to the point of psychiatric diagnosis) amounts of time parking and reparking and then just readjusting one more time and maybe another inch closer in oh ok that should be good but maybe I'll take a picture with my phone to have proof that I'm not that far away.