DISTINCT MOMENTS OF PANIC THAT MAKE IT CLEAR I WOULD NOT SURVIVE IN A TRAVEL-BACK-IN-TIME SCENARIO
Listen, I'm not some kind of prissy high maintenance technophile. But these very real, very common examples make me realize that if there were a sci-fi set-up with a time machine (look at me being in the Halloween spirit!), I would definitely be playing the role of the high society whiny girl eaten first by dinosaurs or taken by the Black Plague.
- •"I DROPPED MY CONTACT LENS AND I AM ON VACATION NOW I WILL BE BLIND FOREVER HELP."Similar examples: my contact has been put in backwards, I have rubbed my eye and my contact is in a tiny dagger of a fold somewhere in my eye, I am not on vacation but can not locate my glasses anyway.
- •"THIS PLACE IS CASH ONLY?!"What am I, made of money?
- •[pocket pat] [slightly more urgent back pocket pat] [panicked other pocket pat] [HARRIED RIFLING THROUGH BAG] [MANIC PAWING AT BREAST] "YOU GUYS I THINK I LOST MY PHONE."Similar examples: I am expected to find my way somewhere but my phone has died, I need to know a fact, any fact really, and there is no cell service, something is pretty but my phone has low battery and I can not take a photo
- •"THERE IS A BUG INDOORS AND I CAN NO LONGER FUNCTION I AM HAVING A FULL BLOWN MELT-DOWN."(This is the "establishing scene" that makes it for sure I am trapped in a dungeon with no air vents or something)
- •"SHIT THERE IS A CAT HERE AND I HAVE FORGOTTEN MY INHALER."Really, many examples here, all involving ridiculous reliance on modern medicine. I suspect this would be many of our downfall.
- •"OH MY GOD THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT A SUGAR FREE DRINK."No excuse for this one, I'm just a gigantic diva who hates drinking her calories.
- •"I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM THIS PERSON IN TWO DAYS THEY MUST HATE ME I AM IN A PUDDLE OF DESPAIR."Instant validation not readily available in ye olden days, I'm told.
- •"CRAP THERE IS NO HAIR TIE ON MY WRIST."Having hair in your face when you're trying to get shit done really is panic inducing, but in the movie, I have now committed myself to having my hair set on fire or comically falling out. You know what? I hate this movie.