EXCUSES I ALLOW MYSELF WHEN MY PANTS DON'T FIT, RANKED BY FREQUENCY USED 📂
(Lingered in my drafts because it's embarrassing. Draft week -- pride's worst enemy.)
- •They have just come out of the wash.Classic. Rarely true, but close enough to a recent wash that I'll allow this self-deception.
- •I just ate.Often the case. Solid excuse.
- •These are the pair without as much give in them.Easily refuted by trying on other pair, which is similarly tight.
- •I'm still wet from taking a shower.Making it hard to pull up the pants, obviously.
- •The place where I take my laundry used too much heat and they have permanently shrunk.Getting a little desperate when I have to pull this one out.
- •They always fit like this.Probably not.
- •I have recently had a ton of water to drink, distending my bladder.Cmon Sally.
- •These were even tighter last week!Yah, that's a lie.
- •I haven't pooped recently enough.Rarely used because it's rarely true.
- •This is a different pair of pants than the ones I thought I was putting on.HUGE relief when this is the case. Usually isn't.