EXCUSES I ALLOW MYSELF WHEN MY PANTS DON'T FIT, RANKED BY FREQUENCY USED 📂
(Lingered in my drafts because it's embarrassing. Draft week -- pride's worst enemy.)
- 1.They have just come out of the wash.Classic. Rarely true, but close enough to a recent wash that I'll allow this self-deception.
- 2.I just ate.Often the case. Solid excuse.
- 3.These are the pair without as much give in them.Easily refuted by trying on other pair, which is similarly tight.
- 4.I'm still wet from taking a shower.Making it hard to pull up the pants, obviously.
- 5.The place where I take my laundry used too much heat and they have permanently shrunk.Getting a little desperate when I have to pull this one out.
- 6.They always fit like this.Probably not.
- 7.I have recently had a ton of water to drink, distending my bladder.Cmon Sally.
- 8.These were even tighter last week!Yah, that's a lie.
- 9.I haven't pooped recently enough.Rarely used because it's rarely true.
- 10.This is a different pair of pants than the ones I thought I was putting on.HUGE relief when this is the case. Usually isn't.