EXCUSES I ALLOW MYSELF WHEN MY PANTS DON'T FIT, RANKED BY FREQUENCY USED 📂

(Lingered in my drafts because it's embarrassing. Draft week -- pride's worst enemy.)
  1. 1.
    They have just come out of the wash.
    Classic. Rarely true, but close enough to a recent wash that I'll allow this self-deception.
  2. 2.
    I just ate.
    Often the case. Solid excuse.
  3. 3.
    These are the pair without as much give in them.
    Easily refuted by trying on other pair, which is similarly tight.
  4. 4.
    I'm still wet from taking a shower.
    Making it hard to pull up the pants, obviously.
  5. 5.
    The place where I take my laundry used too much heat and they have permanently shrunk.
    Getting a little desperate when I have to pull this one out.
  6. 6.
    They always fit like this.
    Probably not.
  7. 7.
    I have recently had a ton of water to drink, distending my bladder.
    Cmon Sally.
  8. 8.
    These were even tighter last week!
    Yah, that's a lie.
  9. 9.
    I haven't pooped recently enough.
    Rarely used because it's rarely true.
  10. 10.
    This is a different pair of pants than the ones I thought I was putting on.
    HUGE relief when this is the case. Usually isn't.