Requested by Eric Elkins

FAVORITE THINGS TO DO DEFIANTLY WHEN I'M FEELING SAD ABOUT BEING SINGLE AND ALONE

InDePeNdEnCe dAy! There are many things I get to do because I am perpetually single and alone but these are the ones that bring me the most triumph and occasionally prompt me to exclaim "suck it!" outloud to the (inevitably empty) room. This was extremely satisfying, @EricElkins, and I thank you hugely for the idea/request.
  1. Drink directly out of the milk carton.
  2. Eat fried food and watch Lifetime movies while simultaneously wikipediaing the true story behind them.
  3. Don't put away the laundry and live out of the laundry basket until I run out of underwear.
  4. Stay in bed for 2 hours after waking up, eating Nutella and pretzel crisps.
    Breakfast of champions.
  5. Use the bathroom with that door WIDE open and walk out without pulling up my pants.
    You might wonder if it possible to look defiant while waddling and I'm here to tell you it is.
  6. Go out alone to a meal entirely of appetizers and dessert and overly complicated drinks while making self-deprecating jokes with the waiter.
    Fun fact: was doing this, on appetizer #3, drink #2 when @abbyzeecee went into labor with the pictured patriotic nugget to the right.
  7. Wear my extremely ratty favorite sleep shirt far past its expiration date.
  8. Volunteer to work late for someone while saying, "Not like anyone's waiting for me at home."
    I feel a sick sense of power saying this.
  9. Order in the same food 3 days in a row.
  10. Sleep diagonally.
    Tried not to steal too many from @EricElkins but I feel so defiant doing this one that I couldn't help myself.
  11. Speak truth to commercials.
    "Fuck you, you won't get that stain out."
  12. Leave diet coke on my nightstand for my night time drink.
    Nobody here to judge me!