LIES I REGULARLY TELL AND FEEL ZERO GUILT FOR DOING SO

Ultimate sorry I'm not sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  1. My hometown is right by that random place in California where someone's cousin's best friend's brother is from that they will inevitably ask me about when I tell them I'm originally from Southern California.
    About a year ago, I started answering this question universally with, "oh yah! I know that place! Really close to where I'm from. It's beautiful there." It always goes over huge. And I have never looked back.
  2. Of course I've seen that show you're talking about when you ask me every time I see you if I watch it.
    Because you are clearly actually not all that interested in whether I have actually seen it, you just really want to talk to me about it and I totally get that. I'm going to agree with everything you say and talk about which actors and actresses I find attractive. Can't go wrong.
  3. My Saturday night is really just starting, not sure how things are gonna shake out.
    I know I'm going to remain in my PJ pants, watching Lifetime movies while binge eating Korean food, but my ex-boyfriend doesn't need to.
  4. I finally heard what you said after the third time I've said, "Huh?" or "What?" or "I can't hear you, what?"
    It's just for the best for both of us.
  5. I'm going to "fly safely."
    Because I can not fly a plane, mom.