NAPS, RANKED

A list that only belongs on a Sunday. Ranked from favorite to least.
  1. 1.
    Sunday football nap
    on the couch, football at low-medium volume on the TV, late fall afternoon weather, under fleece blanket, lulled to sleep by the referee whistles and muted cheers of fans.
  2. 2.
    Post-mimosa brunch nap
    full of champagne and overpriced eggs, window wide open, ideally breezy and warm, dozing in and out on top of the made bed.
  3. 3.
    Beach nap
    that fake darkness of bright sunlight hidden under a towel, saltiness from sweat and the ocean commingling, crashing waves setting the white noise gold standard.
  4. 4.
    Post-afternoon delight nap
    head, arm, leg draped over, quietly chattering, until it becomes apparent that this is dozing, conversation garbled and indistinguishable from dream talk, wake up too naked.
  5. 5.
    Drunk grass nap
    post-day drinking, face first into a blanket smelling like grass, a little itchy but fresh feeling.
  6. 6.
    Massage nap
    cheating because it is an environment designed for peak relaxation, wonderful because it is the ur-nap, slightly disappointing because it involves sleeping through a paid service.
  7. 7.
    Post-24 nap
    after 24 hours straight of no sleep, overcast sky, ceiling fan beating and clicking quietly, harem of pillows surrounding like a cocoon, wake up wishing not a nap but a full sleep.
  8. 8.
    Thanksgiving nap
    special by virtue of rarity, turkey coma, can occur anywhere as long as not compressing belly, just as overstuffed when awoken.
  9. 9.
    Give up on life nap
    up too early, unable to fall back asleep, watch a little TV, make a big breakfast, stomach full, feeling a little bit sleepy, just a little tiny bit, maybe I should shut my eyes to just see what it feels like, next conscious moment mid-afternoon, day wasted.
  10. 10.
    Public transportation nap
    rocking along with rhythm of train, bemused by thought of being literally rocked to sleep, then rocked to sleep, sexy nap in the danger of missing your stop, unsexy nap when you wake up in Coney Island.
  11. 11.
    Mid-24 nap
    too exhausted to see straight, face first on the couch in the workroom, lights still on, unwelcome pager as alarm clock, drool on sleeve, seam mark on face.
  12. 12.
    Airplane nap
    feeling scritchy after a too early morning to catch this stupid flight, passing out against all odds in the loudest background ever, the weirdly sensual feeling of being startled awake by ears popping, world's driest mouth and eyes.
  13. 13.
    Disorienting nap
    laying down in bed for whatever reason, immediate deep sleep, whacked out dreams, awake drenched in sweat and very confused.
  14. 14.
    [unranked] Car nap
    depends entirely on circumstances of nap: position in car, co-passengers, destination, length of car ride, time of day, type of car.