THINGS I SAY TO MY PATIENTS THAT ARE PROBABLY ALSO RELEVANT TO YOU, YOU GIANT BABY
Fine, sorry, you're not all giant babies. Some of you are giant children.
- •"You are the only one who is in control of your body, you get to say what goes inside it and what happens to it." - to teenagers during the sex, drugs, and alcohol part of our visitImportant reminder.
- •"What about this worries you the most?" -to figure out why a completely healthy patient came to the ER at 4amWorth asking yourself any time you get upset.
- •"Let's get you pooping right." -almost everyday because kids are constantly constipatedSo much of life is better if you're pooping regularly and comfortably (anyone with gastrointestinal issues can attest to this).
- •"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh" -when a baby is cryingI mean, speak up when you need to, but shut up when you can.
- •"Anything else I haven't asked that you think I should know?" -at the end of taking a historyBecause people don't know unless you tell them, and sometimes it's up to you to make sure they know. Even when they don't ask.
- •"It does not have to be so painful, we can make it better." -in a variety of situations, when a kid is uncomfortableI will just let you apply this to your life however you need.
- •"Just stop drinking soda and juice." -for every kid I have to encourage to lose weightIt's sugar water, and I'm not saying I practice what I preach, but it's probably for the best.
- •"Your belly is going 'glurgle glug gurgle'!" -when listening to abdomensIt is.
- •"Think about what you want to do when you grow up -- is what you're doing now going to help you get there?" - whenever a teenager tells me they're doing dumb shitAlso applicable even when you are not carrying weapons or having unprotected sex with multiple partners.
- •"You're doing SUCH a good job." -during every easy part of the physical examBecause you most likely are! Keep your chin up!