Other than just being a woman, obviously. Or a gay man. Or elderly. Or really just living in New York. Anyway. I watch a lot of this show, it's ingrained now.
  1. Attending Hudson University
    You will get involved in some kind of drug and/or sex trafficking ring and you will likely get raped and killed. Or your roommate will.
  2. Alleyways next to gay bars
    You will definitely end up dead.
  3. Being Olivia Benson
    That woman has incurred enough trauma for 3 lifetimes. #bensonstrong
  4. Adoption
    Your adopted child will likely abuse your other child. Or falsely accuse you of something heinous. Or their adoption papers will be forged. There's a lot of ways this one can go wrong.
  5. Hanging out with anyone famous
    They are the bad guy.
  6. A FaceSpace account
    Easily hackable, and definitely going to send you or your friends to jail.
  7. Popularity in high school
    Sure fire way to be both victim AND perpetrator.
  8. Immigrating from another country illegally
    Odds are good that you will be tampered with as a witness, become enslaved, and deported. And also murdered.
  9. Bus drivers on handicapped transportation
    They seem pretty universally evil, per SVU.
  10. Sending your child to the park with your nanny
    They will be snatched.
  11. Trash piles
    Somebody's body (parts) are in there.
  12. Allowing your child to use the Internet
  13. Being closeted
    You will be outed in a traumatic way.
  14. A man who is too good to be true
    He is (either using you as a beard or abusing your children).
  15. Grooming your child to be a prodigy (gymnastics, acting, chess, school)
    All that pressure? Someone's gonna end up dead. Or sleeping with someone 30 years their senior.
  16. Dating as a single mother
    You will be tortured, tricked into having a baby, and/or killed. Or you may kill your child from the stress of it all.
  17. A new way to pay off those student loans 😉
  18. Moving to New York to be an actress
    The only role you will have is victim in SVU squad room (perhaps both in real life and SVU alternate universe, very meta).
  19. Walking/jogging/picnicking/any other casual leisure activity through Central Park
    It is one hundred percent inevitable that you will discover a dead body
    Suggested by @Alicia