TOP 10 UNEXPECTED NEMESES OF A PEDIATRICIAN
I always knew the obvious ones: colds, car accidents, ear infections, rotten food, horrible people, colds, crazy parents, bicycles, siblings etc etc. These bad boys though? Reliably (but unanticipated) bastards.
- •Trampoline parksGreat kid activity? Totally. Fun? Hell yes. Guaranteed to end in a broken bone? Yup.
- •BB gunsIt is not entirely clear to me how these little BBs know exactly where eyeballs are, but they DO.
- •Oodles of Noodles/Cup of NoodlesThese things are brutally hot and every toddler's favorite thing to pull off a counter and onto themselves.
- •Monkey barsBreaking bones since...whenever monkey bars were invented.
- •PitbullsThis is NOT a strike against pitbulls as pets--they're amazingly loyal and sweet. But their jaws are crazy strong, and sometimes their owners suck at training them. And I prefer my patients to keep their faces.
- •BeadsKids are constantly sticking them in their ears and nose. Constantly.
- •SmokersBecause they trigger asthma attacks on the reg. Albuterol inhalers for DAYS y'all.
- •MilkThis is a double edged sword. Don't underestimate this magic source of calcium's ability to stop a kid's bowel right up and make them a screaming, constipated mess.
- •DaycareToddlers are Petri dishes. Among other things, they frequently get conjunctivitis (aka pink eye). Many daycares won't let a kid come back without a note. I could write this note in my sleep.
- •Adult sized bedsI'm pretty sure the only thing babies know how to do with these is roll off of them and onto their heads.