Things I Do At 3am When I Can't Sleep

  1. Watch Bridget Jones' Diary.
    Again.
  2. Smoke a terribly rolled, lumpy joint.
    Hey, whatever.
  3. Reflect on the previous shitty day and wonder what I could have done or said differently.
    Because hindsight is a motherfucker.
  4. Make marble rye toast with coconut oil and store-made seafood salad, and eat it standing at the counter.
  5. Enjoy the witty banter between Bridget and Mr. Darcy.
    Those two.
  6. Relight joint.
  7. Wonder why Hugh Grant is considered to be so attractive by so many women.
    No.
  8. Finish toast and wish I had pie.
    Mmmmm apple
  9. Ponder the reason why Renee Zellweger chose to get plastic surgery.
    But she was so cute. I loved her squinty eyes.
  10. Think what a bastard Hugh Grant's character is.
    Can't recall his name rn
  11. "I've got to go into work and look at some figures" YOU LYING BASTARD
  12. Make a list.