The kids are alright.
  1. I may have lost the spelling bee to him, but he is now a registered sex offender. So, fifth grade failure aside, who's the real winner here?
  2. The first time I saw a naked man, I stared for three hours.
    Figure drawing class get your head out of the gutter!
  3. I'll never cut my hair, not even for a chance at interscholastic glory. And with that fateful moment, I gave up that ultra-cool letterman for a nonathletic life of subpar jackets.
    He joined theater instead. Turns out the theater department has a letterman jacket that was eventually passed to him.
  4. "French Vanilla" was not elected.
    Nickname he gave himself as he is white and from France.
  5. My sister's first legal action as an adult was to release the Del Mar lifeguards from liability for my paralysis.
    He plays in a paraplegic lacrosse league now. But just as a volunteer because he wasn't actually paralyzed. This one was borderline rude the way it led me on!
  6. He punctuates this with a twang of his bowstring and the altogether less lively whistle of a goose-feathered arrow.
    This is straight up dungeons and dragons fan fiction. The entire essay.
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  8. Everyone remembers the kid picking flowers next to the soccer goal during games, but I like to give myself a little more credit than that guy- I was next to him, drawing dinosaurs in the sand.
    How can you not love this kid.