Here are some expenses I spend as a woman in the patriarchy that I'm gonna need waived if I'm about to pay for a date
  1. The $40 taxi I'm taking home from this party because I'm drunk and alone and I don't want to take the subway alone
  2. Makeup
  3. Pads
    I realize not all women get periods but I'm a woman and I do and I don't get why they're considered luxury products or whatever
  4. The money my aunt spent on this pepper spray she insisted on buying for me
    It looks like lipstick and I bring it with me everywhere
  5. Bra money
    Free the nipple unless your have the kind of boobs where it feels better to wear a bra. I have tiny boobs and one $50 bralette is enough for me. Other days I wear baggy shit
  6. The money that New York taxpayers are paying for Trump's bodyguards while he lives in New York instead of the white house apparently?
    I'm drunk
  7. Shaving cream and razors
  8. Stockings
  9. Therapy
  10. Enrollment in self-defense classes, not because I live in the town from It by Stephen King, but because I'm a woman on the planet earth
  11. Anti-rape drug nail polish??????????
  12. Zoloft!
  13. Makeup wipes
  14. The amount of emotional energy I spend comforting a sensitive dude about his trouble and then watching his eyes glaze over when I refer to my life and sadness outside of him
  15. The sadness that the men in my life have given me that I had to keep quiet about because sex-positive feminists don't expect anything to come of their hookups, even if he said he loved you and became Facebook official with his best friend two weeks later
  16. The sadness that men have given me that I had to keep quiet about because I didn't want to be a needy bitch or something
  17. The fear I have now that this taxi driver is driving like super fast
  18. I think he's getting on the highway. I'm going to get home much faster now.
  19. You're a good man, Charlie Brown.