1. In my first year of college, I'm at a cramped Super Bowl party in a friend's dorm where I can barely see the tv. People are comparing their Flappy Bird high scores, which are all very low.
    Tom, with complete sincerity, says, "Come on, guys, it's not that hard. All you have to do is get the little bird between the pipes."
  2. I go to visit my friend David at work on his birthday. He's standing behind the diner counter taking orders and wearing a jester hat. I ask him if his boss let him wear that because it was his birthday. He looks confused.
    "This is my work hat," he says.