THINGS MY PATIENTS SAY THAT MAKE ME WANT TO STAB THEM

  1. "The flu shot gives you the flu"
    No idiot, it does not. The vaccine is made from the cell wall of the dead virus. You will not get the flu FROM the flu shot
  2. "My blood pressure was better so I stopped taking my medicine"
    No idiot, your blood pressure was better BECAUSE you were taking your medicine. Now you are in the hospital and have become my problem. I hope skipping your $4 blood pressure medicine is worth the $7000 hospital stay
  3. "You can make an exception for me though, right?"
    No idiot, I can't and won't. Just for saying that I am going to make up added restrictions just because you pissed me off
  4. "Come get in bed with me"
    I will cut you.
  5. More to come...