10 GREAT GARRY SHANDLING JOKES

Thank you, Garry Shandling, for showing several generations that comedy is better when we care about the people in it. Rest in Peace. Bless your soul.
  1. I met a girl at a BBQ, very pretty, a blonde I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: "I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me." You know. "Help me, put me out." Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?
  2. I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
  3. I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms.
  4. It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.
  5. I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.
  6. I went to my doctor and told him, "My penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking about it."
  7. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.
  8. Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn’t he use his last name?
  9. I think my dog is gay because his penis tastes bitter.
  10. What I want at my funeral is an actual boxing referee to do a count, and at 5 just wave it off and say "he's not getting up!"