MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLFRIENDS
I peaked early.
- •Sophia BraultHad glasses and braces which I thought were really cute until we kissed during spin the bottle, another girl playfully smacked our heads together, and my front tooth chipped clean in half.
- •Emily (don't remember her last name 😔)Lasted less than one day, from after school track practice to lunch the following afternoon.
- •Amelia BakerMy first girlfriend during my parents' brief stint in Santa Barbara. I think she's in a band now.
- •Chelsea BilakWe never even kissed but I slept over at her house enough to warrant my father sitting me down at age 11 to tell me to use a condom.
- •Cerise OmdahlAlso had braces, so I guess I had a thing for those at the time? Goaded on by a more masculine friend of mine, I bought her a cotton thong from a bargain bin at Wet Seal for Valentine's Day 2002.
- •Georgia ZeavinWe never dated but I count this one because I thought I loved her. Gave her lyrics to ATARIS songs, pretending I wrote them. Made out with her on a couch in the Nordstrom's basement on Valentine's Day 2003.