SHAMEFUL THINGS I'VE DONE AS A TRUCK BROKER

The companies I have worked for shall remain anonymous.
  1. Paid for a driver's hooker so she would unlock the handcuffs.
    Needed the load delivered.
  2. Played the "penis" game with the entire office.
    You know the game? Where one person says penis softly. Then another says it a bit more loudly. And the next person still more loudly. The girls were the ones to push it the loudest.
  3. Created an alternate identity to appeal to a dispatcher.
    My name was Jimmy John, and I was redneck as hell. Got me a lot of business with Jesus Is Lord Trucking in GA.
  4. Stayed on the phone with a driver for an hour as he waited for emergency vehicles while trapped in his cab during a snowstorm in Nowhere, CO.
    The man was beside himself with fear.
  5. Went on a road trip with my grandboss to a trucker's convention in Chicago. Broke down four times. Handed out 100s of tee shirts and coozies.
    Stole like 1000 coozies.
  6. Went along with it when a driver asked me to pray with him when I called to check on his location one morning.
    He said he wouldn't move the truck til I prayed.
  7. Talked a driver out of committing suicide.
    I don't know, maybe he was trolling. It was a really scary 20 minutes.
  8. Made about a million "load" jokes. "This is a really big load", "Can any of your drivers take this load? It's really hot." Seriously. Industry jargon for important shipments is "hot loads."
    Believe it or not, they don't get less funny.
  9. Used bags of chips as leverage while selling a load.
    "I can only pay $1000, but it's a Frito Lay load; I can probably woo someone into giving you a couple boxes of Salt & Vinegar."