STAGES OF OLD MAN ASKING IF MY DATE'S SON IS "MY FIRST"

Saturday I had a third or fourth date with someone. She brought her one-year old son. We went to a seafood restaurant with a dock patio over Lake Wylie. Seating was scarce. A cute old couple asked if they could sit with us. Sure. The first words out of cute old man's mouth were directed at me. "So, is this your first?"
  1. I wonder what he means.
  2. My first what?
  3. My first plate of flounder?
  4. My first beer?
  5. My first time at this restaurant?
  6. My first time sharing a table with a cute old couple?
  7. Wait, why is he looking back and forth between me and the child?
  8. Oh.
  9. What do I do?
  10. Look to my date for guidance/a lifeline.
  11. She just raises her eyebrows at me.
  12. Like, "answer the question."
  13. Look back to old man.
  14. Old man's grin is faltering.
  15. Look at old man's shirt.
  16. It has a Christian slogan on it.
  17. Oh no.
  18. If I tell the truth I will potentially break this old man's heart.
  19. Look at the child.
  20. He's reasonably cute. Not too fussy. I wouldn't mind this old man thinking of me as his father forever.
  21. Look at my date again.
  22. She has this evil grin.
  23. Clearly enjoying watching me in this situation.
  24. But what if this is a test?
  25. What if she planted the old man to see what I'd say?
  26. WHAT'S THE RIGHT ANSWER???
  27. Look back at the baby.
  28. He's laughing.
  29. HE'S LAUGHING AT ME.
  30. Cute old man asks question again, thinking I hadn't heard.
  31. "Fourth, actually."
  32. Date puts hand over mine.