My math teacher broke his leg the first week of the semester and he is the grumpiest son of a bitch
  1. "There's not a test today."
  2. "Attendance isn't mandatory."
  3. "My smart friend will tutor me if I buy him beer."
  4. "I don't want to get anything thrown at me today."
    Since he can't stand, it's really hard for him to write on the board. So he chucks white board markers at students to have THEM write on the board. These markers hurt if they hit you in the temple or knuckle or elbow
  5. "It's too cold to get out of my car."
    It's 17 degrees outside today and there's wind.
  6. "I don't have money to buy the amount of coffee it would take me to concentrate."