1. "I wasn't even tastin' em I was eatin' em"
    In regards to the many blueberries he just threw in his mouth one by one
  2. "Am I trippin'?"
    After waking up hungover, charging his phone, and seeing that his girlfriend had called him 28 times
  3. "Pretty sure that old guy just put a hex on me"
  4. "Do you guys think I could be a teen heartthrob?"
  5. "Honestly we have no idea what we're doing"
  6. "If you start saying ridiculous things I'm dipping out and getting high by myself in the car"
  7. "Did I just take a nap?"
  8. "Even the po-lice don't know I'm fucked up"
  9. "We got a fuck-ton of wine, boi"
  10. "This is where people come to be awful together"
  11. "Nothing's not real til it isn't"
  12. "If it doesn't have cowbell it doesn't bang"
  13. "Oh, oh man. Man, I'm wet"
  14. "Why is the heat on in your house?"... "because I live subterranean and sometimes it gets brick in here"
    My friend essentially lives in the basement
  15. "I'm timid as shit right now"
  16. "How do you tell how loud the music is in this car?"..."I use sonar, tell if that shit's bumpin or nah"
  17. "What are the odds you swim out, touch the sun, and come back?"
  18. "Vodka dripping down my chin... that's where this night has ended up"
  19. "I wish I had a machete, could cut through the brush"
  20. "I think that conversation spiraled out of control" "nah, I'm pretty sure it spiraled into control"
  21. "There's literally a subreddit called 'watch people die'"
  22. "....THEN we had a two minute cool-down run... and THAT was not cool at all"
  23. "I don't want more people. I want alcohol."
  24. "I haven't listened to lyrics since sophomore year. Shit just bangs now"
  25. "Is a finger up the butt the new wave?? Like, am I behind because I'm not gay?"
  26. "Use your blinker, there's cops around here"
    "Fuck you mean? I'm using AMPLE blinker. Look at this. Blinker to turn. I'm even using blinker to CHANGE LANES. I'm using too much blinker for one man."
  27. "On the bad side, behind Mr. Lemon"
  28. "Woah, that was NOT my fault. All I know is I got a call on a Tuesday morning..."
  29. "Eating broccolini in an 'Oahu' tank top"