WHERE I'LL BE IN 5 YEARS

  1. New York City (glamour)
  2. New York City (squalor)
  3. Working as a substitute English teacher at my old high school
  4. Summer camp director (3 months) Unemployed Person (9 months)
  5. Au Pair who hates her kids but loves the view from their parents balcony
  6. Disgraced hostess at the Nauti Dawg Cafe
  7. American Picker
  8. Managing a company's Twitter and passive aggressively saving off-brand tweets in the drafts, hoping that one day a glitch accidentally sends them and I can be without blame