MY THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING HOCUS POCUS FOR THE ONE MILLIONTH TIME

  1. Bless Kenny Ortega for this movie.
  2. Why is there not an extended version of "Come Little Children"?
  3. Elijah is supes dramatic
  4. These colonial boys have great hair
  5. Emily is so cute. Wonder what she's up to these days...
  6. WHY HAS NO ONE MADE THIS A GODDAMN MUSICAL YET
  7. It's actually a little disgusting how much of this movie I can quote.
  8. The OG angry mob of villagers
  9. Max, you are wearing a pretty ugly shirt to be judging anyone rn
  10. Allison is like 25
  11. And she is a stone cold bitch. Get it girl! Shutting down douchey boys like its her job!
  12. Max you are literally sitting on a bike. PEDDLE AWAY FROM THE BULLIES.
  13. Twenty plus years later, still obsessed with this house omg I would sell my SOUL
  14. Dani is fucking lucky all Max did to that pillow was hug it while she was hiding in the closet.
  15. "You're 8! Go by yourself!" is the worst advice, Max, God, you just moved there.
  16. GIVE ME THAT BEDROOM STAIRCASE TO NOWHERE
  17. Only in the early 90s could a white teenage boy seriously go trick-or-treating as a "rap singer."
  18. Where is the woman who lives in this house? Kick those assholes off your property.
  19. There are like literally 15 pumpkins outside Allison's house. Why haven't the hoodlums touched THOSE?
  20. Where can I attend a Halloween party like this? Nary a slutty nurse or red solo cup in sight!
  21. "Yabos" is still, to this day, the best and most random euphemism for boobs I've ever heard.
  22. Calling yourself out as a virgin in front of your crush is perhaps not the smoothest move. No wonder you're not getting any, Max.
  23. HE SAID THE THING!
  24. Dani is judging her brother HARD for being a virgin.
  25. Possible Sarah's interest in teen boys is the creepiest part of this movie?
  26. Alright, the burning rain of death is pretty clever, I'll give him that.
  27. "TIS FIRM!"
  28. Talking about virgins again, geez, this is a kids movie.
  29. The guy who plays Billy favorited my tweet once.
  30. Compared to 21st century zombies, Billy is pretty tame.
  31. Hope no poor civilians are on this bus.
  32. Binx's body reinflating is more terrifying than him getting run over.
  33. What was the point of having a different actor voice Binx the cat?
  34. The Marshalls playing husband and wife still creeps me out a little.
  35. VIRGIN
  36. Why does Dani even know what a virgin is? She's 8.
  37. What do you think happened to those three little girls that took their brooms? Did they fly away? Did they ever get home? Do their parents just use the brooms for sweeping, not knowing their true purpose?
  38. This City Hall party is insane.
  39. "I Put a Spell on You" is life changing.
  40. AGAIN WHY IS THIS NOT A MUSICAL
  41. "Dance until you die!" I mean I guess there are worse ways to die, right?
  42. Allison's first thought is to burn them alive which says a lot of scary things about Allison's brain
  43. "A prison for children"
  44. "You really miss her, don't you?" God Max, you're clueless.
  45. I kind of love the idea of a family cat that just gets passed down through the ages. In a few generations, the fact that they have a talking cat in their family is just normal.
  46. I know you're getting to snuggle with your crush, but on the stairs? Really?
  47. I wish I could string up fuckboys when they catcall.
  48. Allison you don't have any powers. What do you think is going to happen when you read the spell?
  49. "Nothing weird so far" Allison says as the house they're sitting in becomes a literal lighthouse.
  50. Riding a vacuum is probably me as a witch tbh
  51. 5am, your parents still aren't home, witches are back from the dead, and you assume they "must be having a great time"?
  52. Allison it's not a circle of salt if you're just flinging it everywhere.
  53. Hope the Denisons got insurance on the new house already.
  54. WHY ISNT THIS A MUSICAL
  55. What's the age cut off for this song's power?
  56. Okay, the daylight savings time thing was pretty clever, too.
  57. Allison failing to whistle is my everything.
  58. "WENCH"
  59. I love how they just accept the zombie on Team Virgin, no questions asked.
  60. Like, the five of them couldn't have chilled in that grave with the salt for ten minutes and just waited it out?
  61. "Thackary Binx, what took thee so long?"
  62. "I'm sorry Emily, I had to wait 300 years for a VIRGIN to light a candle." SHADEEEEEEE
  63. What kind of colonial shit is the name Thackery?
  64. What's up with ghosts kissing children in the early 90s? (See also: Casper)
  65. The parents rolling out of the party at dawn
  66. How long do you think the bullies sat there singing rounds of "Row Your Boat" before someone found them?