FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM: NORTH HOLLYWOOD EDITION

  1. stray cats
    while rarely seen at the same time, they exist in small colonies, frequenting backyards of suburban neighborhoods. months of observing their behavior patterns & leadership structures have indicated that they are nomadic, communist, intensely sexual, & don't give a shit about anything, at all.
  2. stray children
    very similar to the cats: they form small, roaming communities. they define their territory & protect it aggressively. the only difference is that the cats don't shout hurtful things at me when I roll by on my razor scooter.
  3. pit bulls
    despite their appearance & eating habits, they inexplicably have become a popular companion for Homo sapiens.
  4. shopping carts
    their presence is unignorable. their origin is unknown. (((seriously, where the fuck are all of these coming from??)))
  5. white people
    clearly not native to the territory, they congregate close to their centers of most comfort: farmer's markets, hiking trails, & Del Taco.