1. How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
    Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
  2. What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
    You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
  3. What's the difference between a viola and an onion?
    No one cries when you cut up a viola.
  4. Why do violists stand for long periods outside people's houses?
    They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
  5. What's the difference between the first and last stand of a viola section?
    Half a measure.
  6. How are The Beatles and the viola section of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra similar?
    Neither has played together since 1970.
  7. AND FINALLY... What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
    Everyone is happy when the case is closed.