I'm a really bad Denmarkian.
(I'm from Denmark but people think Dutch and Danish is the same, so I thought I'd spare ya the trouble). Anyway my parents are not very traditional - they're not wacky either, unfortunately, just kinda lazy i guess - so I get a lot of "Seriøst?!?"
- •I never know any holidays. Not religious holidays or national holidaysI rely heavily on my Facebook friends letting me know when not to go to uni
- •I've never had Hveder.They're just dry, boring crackers/biscuits that you eat to celebrate the end of World War Two, I think? I'm not totally sure. This is why I'm a bad Dane.
- •I really dislike the religious holidays.They cut into my convenience of going to the store anytime I feel like it because people get the day off which is ridiculous because so few Danes are actually Christian (oh right, we only close on Christian holidays. That's also a problem for me)
- •I've never celebrated the Christmas Beer dayEvery year, around mid-November (I think, maybe it's December. Remember, I'm a bad Dane), Tuborg releases a Christmas beer and everyone goes berserk about it. It's probably a fun time if you like big crowds of drunk people.
- •I don't care about the queenShe's cool and all, but I have an issue with how much money she gets when they're making cuts on single parents income and threatening to take away student funding. I get that she's a diplomat and history and whatever, I know I'm a bad Dane, so sue me.
- •There's so much casual racism and sexism and homophobia and transphobia and ableismIt's ridiculous how hard we can cling on to this "happiest people in the world" idea when so many people are mistreated.
- •Why don't we have some goddamn mountains.When I lived in Dublin, Ireland, I saw mountains all the goddamn time and we have none. It's not fair. But ooh, so much horizon. I actually love seeing the horizon. Sorry to go off topic
- •Scandinavian design can be pretty but it can also feel really sterile and not home-ySorry bout it.
- •The "can't get past you" stare.In any other civilized country, you can say "excuse me" and move around the person with NO PROBLEM. In Denmark, people stop and stare at the back of your head with increasing intensity until you move. Or worse, shove right into you. Literally just say something ugh
- •I like to wear brightly colored clothesBut that's frowned upon in Denmark. The uniform is black, grey, maybe other muted earth tones. I feel so self conscious if I wear a bright dress.
- •I jaywalk.It's serious business in Denmark. People are really into waiting for the little green man to tell you it's ok to walk, even if the street is deserted and there's no cars in sight. I just don't have time for that.
- •I'm not really into porkWe have a lot of pork.