EXCELLENT MEMORIES OF LIFE WITH ROOMMATES
Except switch the word "excellent" with "fucking godawful"
- •The time best friend with suuuuuuper long brown hair moved in and I started finding wads of dark hair slapped against the shower wall (presumably retrieved from drain?). I think this was actually meant to be her doing me a favor....
- •That time long-haired introvert Math PhD decided to cook a CAULDRON of spaghetti, eat one bowl of it, then leave said cauldron on the stove. For 45 days.
- •That span of 2 weeks time when I kept finding my bar of soap moved from my designated shower shelf to passive-aggressive roommate's shelf, and always adorned with a single pube. To this day, I don't know what I did to upset him.
- •That cool time when newly dumped roommate went on sex bender with longtime creepy salsa dance partner and her codependent cat shit on literally every piece of furniture, in protest
- •Recent memory of when my favorite housemate and I were getting one of those CSA boxes, and had eaten everything except the golden beets. So we decided to juice the beets and have that along with our breakfast. 3 hours later, after the vomiting had died down, we made the SUPER CRITICAL memory about how beets should be consumed in small quantities
- •Really amazing memory of hippie pseudo-environmentalist who LOVED gorillas losing her SHIT when I took the recycling out which happened to include the two empty shampoo bottles that were sitting directly next to the recycling bin but GODDAMMIT THOSE BELONG TO HER AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH HER THINGS
- •Roommate who did not "believe in carbs"
- •When sweet, unassuming roommate gets roofied and comes home blacked out, vomits in 3 separate places in the house and then proceeds to wipe her own shit all over every single wall in our house, in the shape of arrows pointing to the backyard, where she assembled a pile of her party-wear
- •Yolanda who was a door-to-door coupon book saleswoman. Just the memory of her existence is enough.
- •When somewhat absent-minded nursing student left candle burning in bathroom, directly under wooden medicine cabinet, and it caught on fire.