Reasons I Am Not Asleep at Times When I Should Definitely Be Asleep

A List Made at 12:30 AM
  1. I am having Feelings about a fictional thing
  2. I am having Feelings about a nonfictional thing
  3. I am pretty sure I saw a giant spider crawling on my bed out of the corner of my eye*
    *note: I unquestionably did not
  4. If I go to sleep, the next thing I know it will be morning and I will have to go to work
  5. I read some dumb clickbait someone linked on Facebook about famous haunted houses or two sentence scary stories or the 10 creepiest Wikipedia articles*
    *all of which I now have open in tabs on my phone browser
  6. I stayed up late enough that it has been hours since dinner and I'm starving again but if I get up for a snack I'm admitting defeat
  7. I woke up in the middle of the night with a driving urge to watch Almost Famous or 13 Going On 30 or The One with the Embryos and now I am watching it on Netflix on my phone in the dark
  8. I heard a noise in my house that was very obviously caused by the two active nocturnal animals who also live here (AKA CATS) but my brain is refusing to accept this explanation
  9. I have extensive phone internet research to do on a medical condition that I almost certainly do not have
  10. I have to get up super early for an important thing which has made me too nervous to go to sleep which has made me exponentially more likely to oversleep and miss the thing which has made me even more nervous to go to sleep etc
  11. I have a song stuck in my head and what are the actual lyrics to that one slightly unintelligible part, I must know now it cannot wait
  12. I have to formulate an extensive well reasoned explanation for my opinion on some subject that has just occurred to me in case somebody asks me about it someday*
    *note: nobody ever will
  13. I just found out someone I know has bedbugs and this seems like the ideal time and place to cogitate on that fact
  14. Four dudes did or are possibly about to do A Thing