WAYS TO ACCIDENTALLY GET BANNED FROM LYFT BY FREAKING YOUR DRIVER THE F-OUT

I'm sorry, "Michael," wherever you are...I love you and still need your services.
  1. See list description. You're already half-way there!
  2. Rush out to greet your driver in a very "Marissa-Tomei-Rehab-Escapee-Flagging-down-truck-driver-in-Slums-of-Beverly-Hills/ Christine-Baranski-in-one-shot-from-Bowfinger" kind of way, without intending to, or wearing an outfit even remotely resembling either. Also, do not be nearly as good-looking.
  3. Sit in back seat, because you feel like it.
  4. Give overly-precise directions to your relatively-close destination by force of habit and basic desire for things to "just move along."
  5. Once planned route is hastily under-way, begin rummaging through one of your 4 purses. Doesn't matter which one. This is done so calmly as to deny all suspicions of "performativity," but it's kinda "on you" to already be aware that 4 purses will freak anyone out, especially when you're just not going that far.
  6. While keeping your sunglasses on and all the hair you have in the world in front of your face, slowly remove a 30ft-long, neatly-coiled 1/4-in - XLR audio cable and meticulously-examine it for defects. Hold it up to the on-coming sunlight; make its presence known in the rear-view mirror; run your hands over it casually while gazing out the window.
  7. Appear to, and in reality be, oblivious to all this until your ride is complete.
  8. Tip slightly too-well because you're either in a hurry or bad at math or both.
  9. Write a list about it later that will somehow come back to haunt YOU, in return.