CELEBRITIES I DON'T NECESSARILY HAVE A CRUSH ON BUT I THINK WE'D HAVE A HAPPY LIFE TOGETHER

  1. Josh Groban
    We do our own things but spend all day exchanging witty texts. When we sit in bed together he lets me put on his glasses and pretend I need them to read. Our French Bulldog, Linus, has a pretty good following on Instagram. We only sing together on car rides as to avoid being "that couple."
  2. Questlove
    He makes me breakfast burritos in the morning. We go through so many avocados it's crazy. I'm always stealing his tee shirts and musky skin care products. He drags me to music shows which I only enjoy about 30% of the time. I make him watch every TV show with me which he enjoys about 75% of the time. Our only arguments are about who has better taste in things.
  3. Nate Cordrry
    We feel really connected because we're from the same area and we love teasing each other about our hometowns. He wishes I asked him about Aaron Sorkin less. I wish he didn't wear sneakers with dress pants. I like to fall asleep on his chest while he watches sports so I don't have to pay attention. Every so often he brings home lobsters for dinner as a surprise.
  4. Christoph Waltz
    Everyone thinks it is so weird that we are together and that's our favorite thing about our relationship. I bought him all these really nice beard grooming supplies from a shop in Brooklyn, sort of as a joke but now he actually uses them all the time. Tarantino keeps falling asleep on our couch and it's honestly getting annoying. His pet name for me is "Schnee" because it means snow in German and because it makes us laugh.
  5. Aziz Ansari
    We're always fighting, but it's part of what makes our relationship work. We're both stubborn and snobby and relish the fact that we're smarter than everybody else. We're huge foodies and go to every restaurant as soon as it opens. We always talk about starting a food blog together but we never actually make one. We host star-studded "Game of Thrones" viewing parties and we're really hoping Kanye comes to one this year. He keeps RSVPing maybe on the E-vite.