CELEBRITIES THAT WOULD BE IDEAL UBER POOL COMPANIONS

  1. An Olsen twin
    Highly unrelatable, highly antisocial. Silently on their phone the whole time. Values personal space. Probably smells interesting. Ideal.
  2. Rooney Mara
    She has absolutely no interest in getting to know you, thank GOD
  3. Robert Pattinson
    He's got nothing to say to you and you've got nothing to say to him. Maybe he'd get dropped off at FKA Twigs' house?
  4. Benecio Del Toro
    Steely, handsome, private. Great companion
  5. Amy Adams
    Super polite but not going to chat with you the whole time like say a Reese Witherspoon would. Great companion
  6. Kerry Washington
    "Hey I like that coat where'd you get it?" "Barney's." That's the only exchange you'll need to have. She's busy on her phone and so are you
  7. Joaquin Phoenix
    Would probably speak to you in a few short sentences and then stare out the window. Into it
  8. Rachel Weisz
    Huh? What? Rachel Weisz is clean and discreet
  9. Beyonce
    You can smell her, stare at her, and absorb her energy but you do not even exist to her, you don't even live in the same world, why is she even in an Uber rn?
  10. J.D. Salinger
    Notoriously private, you might not even recognize him! Plus he's dead and ghosts don't usually ask you what you do for a living