1. TV writer
    For anything, of any kind, I'd pay you to let me do this
  2. Life critic
    Like just reviewing life choices and overall paths that people are on
  3. Snack advocate
    A leader in the snack community who defends snacks' rights
  4. Curator of 2000's tabloid culture
    I keep the archives
  5. Dogsitter
    Let me hang out with your dogs I beg you