FOOD MASCOTS I MATCHED WITH ON OKCUPID
- •The Starkist TunaWe went on a couple dates, but he was always making too many jokes. And I couldn't take the hat. I stayed for the Brooklyn accent
- •Mr. PeanutI thought it was charming to date a hipster who wore a monocle at first but then he kept trying to explain to me why Lolita isn't sexist
- •Tony the TigerToo into sports
- •Mayor McCheeseHe got too political on Facebook, but damn do I like that face
- •The Red M&MHe was always so frazzled but then also very thirsty? He always said he and the green M&M were just friends but like... Please.
- •The Nesquik BunnySuch a fuckboy. Still texts me at 2am sometimes. This is his favorite emoji: 😜
- •The Red Lobster LobsterHe's my lobster