things that will make u get it shawty (idk what im saying)
  1. "r ur eyebrows a coen brothers movie? bc they are bold yet tasteful"
  2. "ur eyebrows remind me of bobby cannavale, but a very feminine version."
  3. "r u from St. Louis? jk i know ur definitely NOT from St. Louis, i can just tell, but i wanted u to know that your arch game is strong. as in ur eyebrows."
  4. "r u chloe grace moretz's mouth? bc u r beautiful, mysterious, and fascinating"
  5. "my perfect woman would be if they put john oliver's brain into a woman's body but she also maintained a deep perspective on the female experience, and i think that woman is you."
  6. "wow u are a very dainty sandwich eater"
  7. "i love rock climbing, and by that i just mean that i love seeing dwayne the rock johnson climbing up the hollywood ladder"
  8. "intersectional feminism"
  9. "ur voice reminds me of lea salonga and also u definitely don't have any vocal fry but if u did it wouldn't bother me"
  10. "if u were a talk show host u would be urself bc i think u would be a very good talk show host and there rly should be more female talk show hosts"
  11. "if u were a ryan murphy project u'd be the first season of american horror story back when it was good and also bc ur hair reminds me of connie britton"
  12. "if u were a football team i'm not sure which one u'd be cuz i don't know anything about football"
  13. "i bet u have a lot of interesting things to say about the kardashians. i would love to just sit and listen to you talk about them over smoothies."