These are the kinds of list requests I'm looking for, thank you @xtineengels
  1. I like to think describes me:
    "I don't know what's better, getting laid or getting paid, I just know when I'm getting one the other's getting away."
  2. Actually describes me:
    "Heard you'd do anything for a Klondike"
  3. I like to think describes me:
    "You see there's leaders and there's followers, but I'd rather be a dick than a swallower."
  4. Actually describes me:
    "Immature adult, insecure asshole, if you fall on the concrete, that's your ass fault."
  5. I like to think describes me:
    "I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven, when I awoke I spent that on a necklace."
  6. Actually describes me:
    "Why everything that's supposed to be bad make me feel so good? Everything they told me not to do is exactly what I would."
  7. I like to think describes me:
    "I forgot better shit than you ever thought up."
  8. Actually describes me:
    "Hurry up with my damn croissants!"
  9. I like to think describes me:
    "I'm standing next to Jay, who's standing next to Bey, could have been anywhere in the world but they're here with me, that's good for my ego."
  10. Actually describes me:
    "I hate the new Kanye, the bad mood Kanye, the always rude Kanye" (I'm the new Kanye)
  11. I like to think describes me:
    "Look like a fat booty Celine Dion"
  12. Actually describes me:
    "I'm a deadbeat cousin, I hate family reunions. Fucked the church up by drinking at the communion, spilling free wine"
  13. I like to think describes me:
    "Steve Jobs mixed with Steve Austin"
  14. Actually describes me:
    "Y'all sleeping on me, huh? Had a good snooze?" (I did, thanks for asking!)
  15. I like to think describes me:
    "Everything I'm not made me everything I am."
  16. Actually describes me:
    "She's so self conscious, she got no idea what she's doing in college. That major that she majored in don't make no money, but she won't drop out, her parents will look at her funny"
  17. I like to think describes me:
    "I'm doing pretty good as far as geniuses go."
  18. Actually describes me:
    "My money was thinner than Sean Paul's goatee hair."
  19. I like to think describes me:
    "Screams from the haters got a nice ring to it, I guess every superhero needs his theme music."
  20. Actually describes me:
    "My face always looking like somebody stinks."
  21. I like to think describes me:
    "George Bush doesn't care about black people."
  22. Actually describes me:
    "I'mma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the greatest videos of all time. OF ALL TIME."