PEOPLE'S "SEXIEST MEN ALIVE" COVERS, RANKED BY MY INTEREST IN THE OTHER STORIES ON THE COVER

Every year @people tells us who 💕 and I'm grateful. People mag has given me so much. But I thought maybe we should take a break from OBJECTIFYING men because, ya know, they have rights too! They're not just pieces of meat! Anyway so let's take a look at what else was featured while you guys were all drooling like slobs over these sexy, sexy guys.
  1. 1.
    Who's that blonde?: Delta Burke does Mardi Gras
    A perfect People headline
  2. 2.
    Guilty! The Laci Verdict and how the families reacted, Star's Fantasy Wedding
    Both of these I am very interested in
  3. 3.
    Abortion: should girls be required to tell their parents?
    Would love to see the thoughts on this issue from the 80's
  4. 4.
    The Ring! The Proposal! The Wedding, Barbra: Inside her dream home!
    Show 👏🏻 Me 👏🏻 Barbra's 👏🏻 House 👏🏻
  5. 5.
    Terror in Paris: Stories of Courage and Kindness, Angelina on raising a teen and 'getting older' with Brad
    Really could use some stories of courage and kindness right now, less interested in the normal lives of celebrities. I'm tired of how grounded everyone in Hollyweird has become
  6. 6.
    The Boston Nanny: Killer or Victim?
    I've never heard of this story, but I'm intrigued
  7. 7.
    What his mom thinks of J.Lo, a bunch of other less important stuff
    Need this scoop
  8. 8.
    Di's Deal: $23 million and one last insult
    Extremely interested in the insult
  9. 9.
    Brit's Divorce Battle Begins
    Always looking for K-Fed material
  10. 10.
    Kate Hepburn: Memories of a maverick girlhood
    This would be sad but nice
  11. 11.
    Donna Reed: It was a wonderful life
    See above
  12. 12.
    Sexiest Big Guy: John Goodman
    Yes please
  13. 13.
    Jen on Angelina, John Mayer, (and More!), Exclusive: Governor's Call Girl Tells Her Story, The CMA Awards: Country's Big Night
    This would be much higher if the CMA awards weren't there. Gotta know what Jen had to say about @john
  14. 14.
    TV's Robin Roberts: My Cancer Battle
    Would be sad but I know it has a happy end!
  15. 15.
    Split! Justin & Selena: OMG They're totally over
    They're too on again off again for this to be truly exciting, I like the use of OMG though
  16. 16.
    Meredith Baxter Birney's Family Ties, A Chat with the President, Gumby's Back, The Far Side's Gary Larson
    Would probably be on the bottom but uhh Gumby's back guys!!!!
  17. 17.
    Nicole Kidman: Engaged?, Oprah's Best Moments
    Yeah I'd read these and be like, oh nice
  18. 18.
    Bachelor Bob & Estella Tell All!
    I doubt they tell much but I still wanna know
  19. 19.
    Royal Drama: Kate Shines, Pippa Splits, J.Lo's New Man: He's 24!
    None of this seems very remarkable to me but I still wanna know details
  20. 20.
    Susan Smith: Why the state wants the death penalty
    Don't know who this is... So I really do wanna know why the state wants the death penalty
  21. 21.
    Andie MacDowell Weds!
    Glad to see she's happy
  22. 22.
    Sarah Palin 'Reloading,' Taylor's Big Night
    No thanks, I doubt Taylor's night was that big
  23. 23.
    Luke-Mania: Mall Madness in Florida, 365 Dates with Claudia Schiffer
    Who is Luke? 365 is a lot of dates to read through. Florida is crazy
  24. 24.
    Remembering 'Sweetness'
    Who?
  25. 25.
    Michael's Farewell, Rick Nelson's daughter Tracey beats cancer
    Which farewell? Who?
  26. 26.
    Di's New Nanny, The Real Hoosiers, Sugar Ray's return
    Do not care about any of this
  27. 27.
    Plus: 79 more guys worth warching
    Too many guys
  28. 28.
    Plus: 73 pages of men we love
    Omg stop so many guys
  29. 29.
    Plus Timberlake, Hemsworth, Jackman, & 119 More Men We Love
    Enough guys!!!
  30. 30.
    Plus: 208 Gorgeous Guys
    GUY OVERLOAD