REASONS WHY I'M COUGHING

  1. Put too much dry shampoo in my hair
  2. Someone else in the theater I'm in coughed so I was just compelled to do the same
  3. Trying to cover up that I'm burping
  4. Not so subtly talking trash about someone *cough cough*
  5. Doing an impression of when he says "I've got the black lung, pa!" In Zoolander
  6. Just for attention to test to see who around me cares enough to ask if I'm okay
  7. I lied about being sick to someone to get out of doing something and I'm trying to keep up my image around them
  8. Trying to let a dude know that he is wearing too much cologne
  9. Regular coughing