REGRETTABLE THINGS I DID IN MY YOUTH TO IMPRESS A GUY THAT DIDN'T WORK

may you all learn from my sexual misadventures. you can't make people fall in love with you!!!
  1. Stayed at their house until 3pm after sleeping over and pretended to care as they explained football to me
  2. Put on makeup using the video camera on my computer during my shift at work because I was seeing them after
  3. Made them a drawing from their favorite TV show for their birthday and gave it to them in a frame that used have a picture of me and my friends in it with a secret note on the back
  4. Got them a t-shirt from their favorite TV show for their birthday and dropped it off on their doorstep when they weren't home
  5. Shaved my legs when I didn't want to so many times
  6. Memorized their favorite drink order and had it ready at the bar for them before they arrived
  7. Listened attentively to them saying mean things about their ex without considering the other side of the story
  8. Tried to become friends with their mom
    (not sure why I thought this would work but I've done it more than once)
  9. Gave them a haircut per my suggestion because I thought it was so hot on "Friends" when Paget Brewster gave Chandler a haircut
    (also have done this more than once and no time was it hot)
  10. Offered to drive them everywhere
  11. Spent my birthday with them even after I found out they were dating someone else
  12. Slept in a twin bed with them instead of just going the fuck home
  13. Ordered salads at restaurants when I wanted something else
  14. Gotten extremely intoxicated when hanging out with them because I thought that would make things easier somehow
  15. Purchased clothing based on what I thought they'd like rather than my own taste
  16. Drunkenly invited them to brunch with my family when my family was visiting from out of town
  17. Tried to talk less and more quietly around them because I felt that my opinion and voice were unattractive qualities
  18. Rapped all the lyrics to "Whatever You Like" at a party
  19. Refrained from wearing lipstick when I really, really wanted to
  20. Opened a beer bottle with my teeth
    (again not sure why I thought this would be attractive?)
  21. Got really into Macklemore