MY AREAS OF EXPERTISE

I'm big enough to admit I'm often inspired by myself
  1. Quoting Parks and Rec
    See list description
  2. Napping Best Practices
    15-25 mins or 2-3 hours, there is no in between; only nap on the couch--your roommates are more likely to find you there and not let you sleep through important events; naked naps are the best (unless you've opted for the couch)
  3. Alienating Political Beliefs
    A woman's right to choose, flagrant racial discrimination in our system of criminal "justice," guns are bad, etc.
  4. Book Titles/Campaign Slogans for Future Use
    We Can Have It All (2040); Bed Baths and Beyond (actual book in the works); We Can Have Most Of It (2044); Out of Print (book on the death of print journalism); Oops I Did It Again (exposé about affair that resonates with millennial voters)
  5. Talking Myself Out of Parking Tickets
    Note: does not work for speeding tickets. Yet.
  6. Burrito Bowls
    Homemade, Chipotle v. Moe's, or the underdog secret taco place in Perkins Student Center: I know what's up.
  7. Setting Off Truth Bombs
    i.e. Wawa is Subway + 7/11 for rich white people from the suburbs. & Bush did Benghazi.
  8. Identifying Areas of Non-Expertise
    physics; chemistry; calculus; cooking/baking; beatboxing; being nice to cats and/or children; sleeping with my mouth closed; maintaining composure when ignorant assholes make bigoted, archaic comments toward contemporary social issues