My Very Specific Turn-Ons

  1. Margaritas ordered ON THE ROCKS
  2. Anyone who uses a coffee pot
    Keurigs are for douches and French press are for pretentious assholes
  3. $20 or less dates
  4. An appreciation for M&M: McDonald's and Miller
  5. Has to rank Ratatouille in their top movie list
    And if it falls anywhere under "Top 15" he is CANCELLED
  6. Social Justice Warrior wanted
  7. Shorties
    I don't want a tall dude, I want 'em short with a lil extra. Ideal body: Winnie the Pooh
  8. Actually I want a Winnie the Pooh kind of dude
  9. Someone who makes a little more money than me
    Like...$2000 a year more. Not a lot, but you know a lil
  10. Passmore Test
    Must pass the Passmore Test. This is unflinchingly rigid
  11. Has to understand the above reference ^
  12. Good hair
    Perhaps above all else, has to have good hair
  13. Heterosexuality should be questionable
    In an ideal world, I'd date a gay man but um...that is not how that works