ABSURDITIES BY MY MOM

  1. "I won't ever leave the country." "Why mum?" "Because ISIS."
  2. Someone has stolen her keys/phone/purse/car 1-7 times per day.
  3. "Can the cats please move in with you?" "Why mum?" "Well if you must know.. Leo shit in my bath tub. I think he was confused because I put a bunch of trash bags in the tub."
  4. She is convinced that my cousin in the DEA is tapping her phone calls.