THE PINK HOUSE: VOL. 1

We just moved, so these people are no longer in my life. Now I can laugh about it all. Sort of.
  1. The man who owned the pink house was named Valentine. He drove a purple car and planted fake trees in his yard.
  2. There were anywhere from 5-20 people living in the pink house at a time. Usually relatives.
  3. Once I saw 4 kids get off a city bus, walk down our sidewalk pulling suitcases behind them, knock on the door of the pink house, and then go inside. I never saw them come out again.
  4. The house was only heated with a fire place, so all summer long they cut wood with loud saws to fill their giant woodpile that took up almost their entire backyard.
  5. They had a small dog. It barked too much. Whenever it got loose (at least once a week) Valentine would open the door and scream at it to 'getoverheregetoverhere!' at the top of his lungs, but would never chase it. Everyone else in the yard (V's wife and random cousins) would just stare at the dog while it ran down the block.
  6. Leslie also lived in the pink house. Leslie was Valentine's step son. He was arrested at least 5 times in the 8 years we lived there, and lived there on and off. The neighborhood rumor was that he was bi-polar and refused to take his meds.
  7. Whenever the cops would show up at the pink house (which happened frequently when Leslie was living with them) everyone would run and hide in the yard. Old Valentine would crawl under his wood pile and lay there until the cops left.
  8. Leslie was best friends with our other creepy neighbor, Dave, and they would sit outside all day and burn fires in Dave's grill and drink beer, while staring at me and my kids when we played in the backyard. I stopped going in the backyard.
  9. Leslie and Valentine got into huge, ridiculous fights. One morning I watched from the front porch as Leslie ran a running lawn mower up and down the sidewalk while Valentine hung out of the front door screaming at him. This went on for 20 minutes.
  10. Leslie and Dave got into huge, ridiculous fights. They would scream at each other from across the street and call each other names. Leslie would then get out the lawn mower and cut Dave's grass all wonky. He would also run the mower around and under Dave's truck, slamming it into the tires.
  11. Once a year the pink house would have a major party. All their relatives would come, and they would be outside the entire night, drinking and being crazy. It always ended in someone terribly playing a saxophone at 4 in the morning. Somehow my husband always slept through it, and couldn't believe he didn't hear the saxophone.
  12. One beautiful Sunday morning, around 9, our family decided to go for a walk. As we walked by the pink house, Leslie opened the door. Standing there in only his underwear he glanced at us, coughed with a throat full of phlegm, hawked a loogie right on the sidewalk, and then shut the door. That image will always be with me.