Due to the conclusion of my first ever full-series reread of the HP books, I am now posting this list. I wish I had posted it on the day of the 20th anniversary, but I did not have my shit together.
  1. The Office
  2. Chaser: Jim
  3. Chaser: Erin
    Very competitive. She would put a lot of effort into practicing.
  4. Chaser: Angela
    Small and speedy, I think?
  5. Beater: Darryl
    Obvious I think.
  6. Beater: Meredith
    Lots of pent-up aggression that can be channeled through beating the Bludger.
  7. Keeper: Dwight
    Puts a lot of emphasis on his manly reflexes.
  8. Seeker: Michael
    The only position he would accept. Threatened to shut the team down unless he was seeker.
  9. Parks and Recreation
  10. Chaser: Andy
    Athletic and likes football, so he'd be good with the Quaffle.
  11. Chaser: Ann
    Leslie forced her to play.
  12. Chaser: Ben
    Not the bet chaser at first, but ends up enjoying it because Leslie enjoys it so much.
  13. Beater: Ron
  14. Beater: April
    So aggressive. Sometimes hits at her own teammates but it's fine.
  15. Keeper: Chris
    Very fast and athletic.
  16. Seeker: Leslie
    So dedicated that she will do anything to catch the Snitch.
  17. New Girl
  18. Chaser: Jess
    Idk I think she'd do well as a chaser.
  19. Chaser: Winston
    Basketball player, obvious.
  20. Chaser: Coach
    Trainer, obvious.
  21. Beater: Nick
    Angry. All the time. Needs strength training but eventually becomes very good.
  22. Beater: Cece
    Distracts all of the people on the other team and then obliterates them.
  23. Keeper: Not set in stone, rotates through different significant others of the group
  24. Seeker: Schmidt
    Like Michael, unwilling to be in any other position.
  25. 30 Rock
  26. Chaser: Kenneth
    Actually VERY good for some reason.
  27. Chaser: Liz
    Thinks she'll hate Quidditch because it's a sport but she gets to ride a broom instead of running so she ends up enjoying it.
  28. Chaser: Jenna
    Never shows up to matches. Everybody else knows that this might be for the best
  29. Beater: Jack
    The most masculine position.
  30. Beater: Pete
    Star archer with good aim.
  31. Keeper: Tracy
    Also doesn't show up very often.
  32. Seeker: Grizz and Dot Com
    An inseparable team. No opposing teams even protest the fact that there are two seekers because they're really bad anyway.
  33. (They're a horrible Quidditch team)
  34. Gilmore Girls
  35. Chaser: Emily
    She MUST be a part of the team. She's good though.
  36. Chaser: Lorelai
    Sort of annoying about the whole thing. If Rory doesn't catch the Snitch fast enough, she complains about not having coffee.
  37. Chaser: Luke
    Played baseball? Sure that works.
  38. Beater: Richard
    Did he play polo? He gives off that vibe, and beating is similar.
  39. Beater: Paris
    Another aggressive girl.
  40. Keeper: Lane
    Rory needs a keeper so Lane agrees. She ends up being pretty good.
  41. Seeker: Rory
    She's a very good seeker due to her attention to detail.
  42. I think the Gilmore Girls team would win the tournament!