1. 1% battery lasts forever
  2. Texting coherently
  3. Seeing no one you know
  4. Seeing the right people you know
  5. Pulling off a questionable equestrian look
  6. Going to the bathroom and not looking dead
  7. Being the right temperature
  8. Kind Lyft drivers
  9. The food to head off hangovers, but not body-destroying garbage, and the wisdom to know the difference